Being completely against remaking a film is not my emphatic position on
the subject matter. I think we live in an age of very talented actors,
directors, screenwriters, and such. I have not seen a remake that I
thouroughly enjoyed recently, but I am also not so close minded to put
the idea away all together. In the day and age we live in, one can't
expect everything to be fresh and new. Sometimes a remake is a
necessity. It allows the original creator to bring their idea to life
in a manner that maybe they couldn't do before. However, I have
compiled a list of the 25 movies I wish Hollywood to wait until after I
die to "re-imagine." This will be broke down into a five part segment.
I have arranged them in no particular order, except for #1. That, to
me, is absolutely HANDS-OFF!!!
#1: "A Clockwork Orange" Released in theaters February 2nd, 1972
I am a fan of Kubrick, but this is by far my favorite movie he did. In
fact, I may be so bold to call this my Number One Movie of ALL Time.
Maybe that makes me biased in calling this off limits.
Beethoven, psychedelic milk, betrayal, prison, and revenge sum up this
masterpiece. The script was fantastically written by Kubrick himself.
While fans of the book, which was authored by Anthony Burgess, cried
foul (as if any book to movie captures the authors descriptiveness to
begin with), Kubrick did a great job.
I can't see too many actors capturing the vibe that Malcolm McDowell
did. His supporting cast were equally stellar. While the era it was
set in was a future from 1972, you still can watch it today and see
inspirations from a period when disco and cocaine was the rave. Plus,
David Prose was in it. To geeks like me, the question would remain: How
do you replace the guy, even as a minor character, who later went on to
play Darth Vader in the Star Wars movies? I mean, seriously.
#2: "Gremlins" Released in theaters June 8, 1984
So, you want to get your kid something special and original for
Christmas. Why not get him a Mogwi? Sure, the mysterious Chinese
man said it wasn't for sale, but what does he know? You have the
best kid in the world and he'll be totally responsible with it. After
all, he DOES have a dog.
Chris Columbus is a great storyteller, with titles like "The Goonies"
and "Only the Lonely" in his reportoire. Joe Dante was no slouch in the
directing department, as he showed us with "The Howling (1981)" and
later "Innerspace (1987)." They took a premise from pilots of WWII and
made them not the scary monsters imagined by many fly-boys, but a
mischevious and comical bunch who did nothing but make you laugh and
feel sorry for a small town at the same time.
Now granted, the technology at the film makers disposal in 1983 was
nothing by comparison to today's standards. Seeing this with updated
tech would be cool, but there is, I fear, the element of storytelling
where this movie would lack. That is not a slam on current writers, but
the fact remains, the original had such fine tuning to everything that
adding something or taking something out just wouldn't serve this gem of
a movie justice.
#3: "Close Encounters of the 3d Kind" Released in theaters November 16, 1977
Usually movies involving someone who sees a spaceship paints the
picture of them being some crazed redneck with a fear of being probed,
or a cry for help from a rape hotline because said probing occurred.
That wasn't the case for good ole' Roy Neary, played by Mr. Holland
(Richard Dreyfuss for those who don't get references to other movies).
Nope, this guy gets buzzed by a UFO while witnessing railroad crossing
signals going haywire and does what any rational human being in the same
predicament would do: he sculpts mashed potatoes into a familiar shape.
Look, this is Steven Spielberg, as both writer and director, and that
guy knows how to tell a story and convey said story onto the screen.
Argue with me all you want on his greatness, because you are entitled
to your own dumb opinion (sorry, I don't think you're dumb). The
visuals, even for the time period, were breathtaking. As a kid, the
scene where the young Neary boy is in the front door and it flies open
showing a multitude of flashing lights was just freaky, in a fantastic
sort of way. Capturing moments like that again using updated technology
would require less creativity, I believe, as a computer could do it for
you. So that's why I want this to remain untouched.
#4: "The Goonies" Released in theaters June 17, 1985
"Heeeeeey yooooooou guuuuuuys, don't remake this movie!" From the
Fratelli's to Data demonstrating the language barrier between the west
and the east, to even the beloved bond formed between Chunk and Sloth,
this was a story where characters were absolutely lovable and the
adventure was one that we all desired to be a part of. I have some
great childhood memories involving my friends and I acting like we found
a map and were searching for the treasure of One-Eyed-Willie.
Trying to revamp this movie into something more modern would serve no
justice to it, as there is no need for updated visuals, and the actors
did a stand alone portrayal of each character. Movies involving kids
searching for a way to save their beloved neighborhood from a group of
elites trying who were trying to build a golf course is only setting us
up for a political statement against the 1%ers. You would lose what it
was originally meant to be: an adventure that no matter how much time
passes by is still just as exhilirating as the first time you saw it
almost 30 years ago.
#5: "Tombstone" Released in theaters December 25, 1993
One of the most well-known names in gunslinger history is the center of
this movie. Cowboys are a gang rather than a way of life, and if you
don't have a gun on your hip, you might as well talk to the local
mortician to arrange your funeral.
No one, and I mean no one, can bring acting to the table like this
star-studded cast did. Kurt Russell IS Wyatt Earp,and what better picks
to portray his brothers than Bill Paxton and Sam Elliott? You wrap
that up with a performance of a lifetime by Val Kilmer playing "Doc"
Holiday and it's a recipe for a success in the western genre.
Famous lines like "You gonna skin that smoke-wagon, or are you just
gonna sit there and bleed," forever rings hysterical in my mind. With a
buildup of tension between a sickly "Doc" Holiday and Johnny Ringo
(portrayed by the great Michael Biehn) leading up to probably the single
most known shootout in American history, why would you want to touch
this one? The only thing I can think of is someone would incorporate
aliens into the mix and have the Earp's and Clanton's team up to
eradicate the alien presence, therefore demonstrating togetherness in
the face of adversity. In the end, "Doc" could go and play some
Frédérich "F-ing" Chopin.
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